Ruminations
by Ukkie
Summary: A missing scene from Starsky's Lady.


A missing scene from Starsky's Lady, just before the tag.

Thank you Hilly for beta-reading and Janet for the idea when I needed one!

Oh and they ain't mine I'm sorry to say!

Ruminations

Hutch opened Starsky's apartment door and went in quietly. He heard nothing and a bit worried he went to the livingroom. It was empty, except for some photos on the couch it looked as if its owner hadn't been home for days! Hutch knew better and walked to the kitchen. There, surrounded by beer cans, photo's and a monopoly game was Starsky! He didn't look up when Hutch approached him and sat down beside him on the floor.

"Hey Starsk"Hutch said softly "what are you doing here on the floor buddy?"

Starsky just shrugged but said nothing. He kept staring at the beer can in his hand but didn't drink one sip.

"Why don't we go to the living room and make ourselves comfortable on the couch?" Hutch tried to coax his friend into some more comfort.

But Starsky shook his head "No reason to be comfortable" he mumbled and rolled the can in his hand.

"No, maybe not" Hutch agreed "but I don't think Terry would have wanted you to be so miserable and uncomfortable tonight"

That remark made Starsky look up and Hutch had to swallow hard when he saw the pain and grief in his partner's eyes!

"Oh Starsk"he whispered "I wish I could make it all go away but I can't"

Starsky smiled sadly "I know you can't Hutch but how I wish you could"

With a deep sigh he wiped the tears from his eyes and asked: "How about some monopoly? Terry loved that and I think it suits the occasion, don't you?"

Still not able to speak Hutch nodded and picked up the dice. For several minutes they played in silence but their minds weren't with the game!

"Do you wanna have kids someday Hutch?" The question came out of nowhere and Hutch looked up, surprised by it.

"Well" he said "I think so. With the right woman and in the right time, yes I'd like to have kids! And you?"

Starsky smiled "Terry and I have been talking about it! We both wanted to have kids but we couldn't agree on how many!"

"What was the difference between both your wishes?"Hutch laughed.

"I want four and she wants two!" He didn't seem to notice he'd said it in the present time and Hutch didn't correct him.

"How about three then?"he asked instead "That's a nice compromise don't you think?"

That brought a smile on Starsky's face but it disappeared immediatly again. "It doesn't matter anymore does it? No kids for me and Terry anyhow now!" He threw the dice with much more force than nescesary and it bounced from the wall almost back to the board!

"Great throw!" said Hutch with admiration in his voice "too bad it won't help you out of the mess you're in"

"Well, nothing can get me out of the mess I'm in at the moment"Starsky answered with tears in his voice.

"No, I guess not"Hutch agreed "maybe it's time for a beer, what do you think? Or did you start already before I came here?" He looked at the cans lying on the floor and wondered if they were all empty!

"Beer's fine" Starsky said "and I didn't start already. I dropped the cans when I wanted to put them in the fridge and I couldn't find a reason to pick 'em up" He shrugged "They're not cold, I'm sorry"

"Aah, that's okay buddy! Warm beer is nice too sometimes"

Starsky snorted "Sure and ice-cream should be eaten melted!"

"When I was a kid I used to melt my icecream and drink it" Hutch confessed "I really liked that you know"

Starsky looked at him ubelieving "I've always known you're weird Hutch and this proves me right! Drinking icecream!"

"Hey" Hutch defended his childhood actions "I liked that! My father didn't like it either but I always did it when he was not around!"

"Rebellious type you were huh?"

"When I had the chance,yes!"

Starsky was silent for a while, just sipping his beer and then asked "What kind of a father would you be you think? Like your own father or completely different?"

Hutch thought about that for a moment. "Well, definitely not like my father! I think I'd be a friend to my children in the first place and a father in the second"

"Hmmm"Starsky made "And you think you'll get away with that? First being their friend and having fun and then punishing them for something! I don't think so partner!"

"No? And how would you do it then? I don't think you could ever be a strict father anyhow, Starsk"

"Ha, shows what you know! I'd be a father first and then a friend. I'd make them feel safe and loved and learn them how to behave and all that stuff and then I'd go out and play………I think"

Hutch laughed "Oh yes, I see what you mean, Gordo! I can see exactly what you mean! But I think that's not how it works you know. I think you have to earn their trust first and show them that you understand them and then……….."

"Right!!"Starsky interrupted him "Earn their trust! You sound as if you're talking about a snitch! Earn their trust. Let me tell you that a good father has the trust of his kids no matter what! I trusted my father and he never diappointed me….well,he did but that wasn't his fault! Didn't you trust your father?"

Hutch stared at his beer can and shrugged "I don't know" he said "I never had a good relationship with my father. It was hard to talk with him and he wouldn't listen most of the times. My grandfather was a different man and him I trusted! I spent a lot of vacations with him on the farm and I loved it! We did everything together and in the evening we cooked our dinner together and when the weather was good we ate out on the porch! That's the way I'd like to raise my children!"

Starsky stared at him, not believing what he just had heard. "You mean you and your dad never really talked? Not when you were real young and not when you were older? Why not? What is wrong with that man?"

Hutch smiled a bit sad "I don't know Starsk. I only know he never approved of me whatever I did or whatever I didn't!I think I'm not the son he wanted to have. I'm a failure in his eyes!"

Starsky almost choked on his beer. His own my misery forgotten for a moment he took Hutch's hand and squeezed it gently. "You're not a failure Hutch! Your father is so wrong and if I ever meet him I'll tell him what a good guy his son is! I'll tell him how much he missed by not wanting to talk with you. I'll.."

"It's okay Starsk!" Hutch interrupted the heated words of his friend "I'm a big boy now and I'm over it! Believe me, he doesn't bother me anymore"

"Well, you shouldn't!!"Starsky was angry and sad at the same time "I've only had my father for thirteen years but I still remember him as a caring and loving man! I still miss him" he added with a strangled voice. "God Hutch, why is everybody I love leaving me?" He started crying and threw his beer can against the wall where it left a wet spot and fell on the floor!

Almost crying himself Hutch took him in his arms and soothed "Ssshh, Starsk. Nobody left you, they were taken from you! I don't think they wanted to leave you, they had no choice. Come on buddy, take it easy now."

" I can't pay the price anymore Hutch"Starsky whispered "Maybe I need to do something else for a living."

Sad blue eyes looked up at Hutch. Wiping his eyes and his nose with his sleeve Starsky asked "Are you going with me if I quit?"

"You need to ask me that Starsk? Of course I'll go with you! Me and Thee for ever remember?"

"Okay. What can we do you think?"

"I think I need another beer first! I can't think when I'm this sober"

That brought a watery smile on Starsky's face. "Me neither" he said and moved to the fridge to get some more beer. With his head inside he asked "What time is it?"

Hutched looked at his watch "Almost half past eleven"he answered. "Maybe I should start calling some people I know"

"Isn't it a bit late?" Starsky threw a can to Hutch who caught it one-handed.

"Naw, these people are always up and ready for business!"

Drinking his beer Starsky thought about that for a minute. "What business is that? Is it legit or ….."

"Don't worry Gordo! Everything will be fine! Leave it to me and we'll start a whole new career in no time!"

Tired, Starsky leaned his head against a cupboard. He closed his eyes and listened to Hutch's voice not really hearing what he said. _I guesss I have to leave it all to you now Blintz!Later we'll open the gifts from Terry and then there is nothing left to do!_ _It'll be you and me again, just you and me!_


End file.
